thank you guys i appreciate all said.it's been almost 2 years but the pain still lingers. when he went i wanted to retire but well, im not wealthy so i go on.although he was almost 10 years older he would still be working now if he were alive. i stay in touch with his wife whom i know very well and make sure she's ok.i know that would make him very happy. i hope none of you ever has to do this.it's not fun but it gave me closure.peace.
working with my hands is a joy,it gives me a sense of fulfillment,somthing so many seek and so few find.-SAM MALOOF.