re: What was I thinking??!

I would say - imitating Japanese masters, starting with zero experience and no Mentor.
In Japanese culture, there are three stages of learning (or possibly four)-
The first, is just soaking up information from those who know more than you do.
The second, is imitating the Masters.
The third, is a combination of the first and second, for a very long period.
The fourth, is when the Master is humble and knows there is still more to learn.