re: The problem with . . . . .

You said

"My wife knows what I'm capable of, yet this showed up today."

I have seen this scenario in my 42 year marriage to the best Woman in the world. Working a regular job for 40 hours a week, and running 2 side businesses taking easily another 40 hours a week. I have frequently said "that's crap, let me make you something." 

Though I love her to death, I will admit she is usually the last customer served. So tired of waiting around, she goes into the shop/buy mode to satisfy that need that is itching away at her, and I'll admit I usually don't feel the pressure like she does. So I "drag my azz" and she does what she does. 

Possibly I am all wrong, but I'm pretty sure this is what you experienced here. If I had a 100% fix, I'd let ya know what it is. :-)

Also just my opinion, but I think the cheesy Chinese wood, and probably crap build quality was intentional, because she already knew your thoughts on that matter. Kinda like that kick in the teeth, once she had already knocked you out. 

I bet Confucius say: Say "YES DEAR" several times a day, and make Wifey #1 Customer all time. = Happy House. :-)

Best of luck going forward.