Great post in the Duckster fashion. Made me laugh a number of times. I can so relate. We have lived in the sticks (country) for our last 30 years together, and love it, but unlike being in town, there are things growing, best not Fu(ked with, and chainsaws, and fire, are the best way to meet them, and greet them. BOOMBY or an OGWOOFY are awesome names, and added to the laughter. Keep em coming.
I am envious of the size of the weed you can grow. Most of ours remain spindly looking, but can pull the wheels off a 4x4 drive truck, or a mid sized tractor if you try to use them to pull the growing succulents out of the ground. I foolishly tried this a few times before I figured out you chainsaw them at ground level. Then you wait a month or 3, then come back around with a cordless drill with a very sharp bit, and drill 1/2" holes down into the stumpette. Fill those with a blend of gas, and diesel, light them, and let the powers of fire burn out the stump. Usually after a fire or 2 it quits wanting to keep growing. Sort of a BOOMBY or an OGWOOFY be gone.