Kitten Clock. [Contains “r Certificate” warning] 

Boys and Girls,

Having been branded with the "LBD foul jokes" tag, I thought I’m now obliged to live up to my reputation.

 

I was initially hesitant to publish this on LJ (31st March, 2020), but after devising a subtle pussy cat lead in, I took the plunge with an appropriate disclaimer.

 

I tried to motion digitise this process with this YouTube contribution,

 

and for anyone not familiar with the trials and tribulations of a clock mechanism assembly,

 

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Boys and Girls,

With all the clock posts here at LJ I just couldn't resist.

A friend approached me about making a clock similar to gallery photo #5 that he plagiarised out of a magazine, for #1 son's wife's upcoming cattery,

(yeah-yeah don't nag… it's no longer upcoming... it's here).

Also it took the presence of Garfield to make the recipient realise the correct orientation of 12 o'clock. Looks like they can't speak Latin.
 
I proceeded to download a swag of cat silhouettes off the Internet and using CorelDraw converted them (if/as required) into vector graphics. We (he) chose a design for the Roman numbers and he selected what figures to interpose on which number/font… 

and was converted to laser cuttable format,

and the general design of the overall "clock face". The figures/numbers were laid out and as it was being cut out of 6mm MDF, 

grain direction was of no concern (woo-hoo).
 
I then made up this template 

for marking up the wall for the placement of the cut-outs. The base plate was mounted using those removable 3M gadgets 

and using a locator pin, the 12 positions were accurately marked out on the wall.
 
I made up 5 sets of clocks and mounting jigs so the son could sell some for an undisclosed fortune (bah).
 
The figures were painted white and of course the wall was painted purple otherwise you would have seen the original concrete surface, or white on white was always a poor contrast.
 
So far I haven't shown or said anything I consider might have offended anyone other than one eyed dog lovers… and I'm not referring to the north end of a south bound canine.
 
However, if you are easily offended, I suggest you stop reading any further as the following contain what some may consider inappropriate "nudity", however, it is fairly tame and that is the reason for the lower case "r" in the title. 

 
 You have been dually warned so please don't continue just to see what I consider may offend you, otherwise refrain from making what I would then consider inappropriate feedback.

Some people may consider this continuation as "smutty" while others may refer to it as gratuitous art. If you belong to the latter group, you've seen all you need to see from the gallery pictures and suggest you go no further.

For all you demented thrillseekers, I would like to present my take in the "kitten" clock (pardon the pun).

The following is the real project with the real topic and if you are easily offended, please stop here.
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A clock without "NUMERIC" figures.

Boys and Girls,

This clock is my tribute to Hugh Hefner whose time has finally run out.

Now before you start accusing me of being insensitive and politically incorrect, let us diagnose this conundrum with an unbiased scientific analysis.
Here in Australia the women outnumber the men in the ratio of 12.4 million females to 12.2 million males (the last time I got a chance to count them all as current Corona restriction have limited my outside movement)… a tad under 50%. Now going by our turnout of female participation in our recent LGBT rights in Australia, it's obvious that there would be a number of women who would find my clock's girlies attractive… maybe enough to tip the scales over the 50% mark… QED!

Through some other mischievous misadventure, I had a number of clip art silhouettes that I thought could be incorporated into my sordid design.

Using SketchUp, as I find it easier than CorelDraw, I laid out a 295mm perfect circle clock face (300mm is the width capacity of my laser) which I then imported into CorelDraw, laid out the pattern, 

and cut it out of 6mm MDF using my laser. I also cut a 300mm covering faceplate out of 5mm Perspex on the laser.
 
The figurines were engraved to a depth of about 1.5mm on my laser. The capacity of the laser was 300mm wide and as always, that bloody tape measure gave me wrong directions and I cut the bottom off the clock face,

 
Disgruntled, I tossed it in a corner and cut a new one… it was better centered so I was gruntled (opposite of disgruntled) and filled the engravings with ebony wood putty. Sanded back and refilled until a smooth surface was achieved. The face was then buffed using my 3 grade wax buffing system.

and checked size against the laser cut Perspex,

Using these laser cut jig calibrators to set the exact diameter (radii) without the need for a tape measure/ruler,

I resorted to the use of my { trimmer circle cutter } to create a test frame out of MDF, 

and again I was over impressed with the sawdust collection of my gizmo.
 
After some basic sanding I tried the clock face and Perspex for fit,

  
Because of the clock mechanism, I needed at least 2×19mm thickness for the pine frame. I had a large piece of laminated pine that had sufficient meat in it to take to the cutting table. Cut out the two OD's,

One had the trench for the Perspex face frame. Glued the two together using an 8mm drill bit for alignment. 

Was going to use dowel, however, with the way the the glue held onto the drill bit I was glad I didn't use dowel.

First I did some initial touch up at the vise,

and then dragged this lamination over to the lathe and used my sanding disc attachment to flatten the circle's perimeter. 

I notice a few chip outs and cursed the fact that I didn't use a virgin router bit in the trimmer. 

Rounded over the outer edge at the router table and had a sweaty session with some hand sanding. The frame was cross grain laminated in anticipation of this follow up heavy handed treatment. Didn't look as pretty as aligned grain would but it was now more robust.
 
Had to do a bit of redesigning to mount the clock face to the frame to ensure there was sufficient clearance of the hands from the Perspex faceplate. Also worked on the mounting "mechanism" which was based on some eccentric circles to accept a screw head or hook,

Tunged it,

quick test for face fit… 

and Perspex,

wipe-on-pollied it,

and confirmed it held together (after 3 coats of poly),

The clock is located in my office above the TV and surveilance monitor, 

The first draft of the article stopped here, however, I was loathe to leave that mis-cut clock face lying on the scrap heap and contemplated on how I could salvage it.
 
First off, I filled the engravings with Jarrah wood putty 

and sanded and filled etc.. till it was flat with the clock face.

Not having any scrap wide pine planks (300mm+) I decided to try MDF as I already had my test circle from the trial run.

Just in case you wish to watch the creation of the test piece and the above clock, you can check out this video to save you reading all that above text rubbish…
 
I laminated 2×18mm x 305mm x 305mm MDF boards and attacked it with my trimmer circle cutter. This time I mounted the trimmer with a ¼" TCT router bit and it cut through the MDF like butter in fewer passes. I didn't bother to record any more ho-hum videos.
To compensate for the flat spot on the clock face, I cut a 5mm wide rim on the laser to fit over the clock face,

Both pieces were tunged and then black stained. 

I was surprised at how well the tunged MDF accepted the stain and managed to absorb it without as vigorous an absorption as raw MDF. Gave it 2 coats of Feast Watson ProofTint (metho based). Assembled it,

and it's now hanging on a lounge wall.

I'm not going to say much more in this post and just sit back and watch time go by…. bye and I'm not bi (even though with two posts in one day, I could be called bi)!

PS. Do the clocks keep accurate time?..... Who cares!

PPS. Unfortunately all those people that may have taken offence and never gotten down to here, will not realise that I could make a legitimate pussy clock from a selection of these silhouettes ,