Ramblings from a South Central Texas Wood Butcher #6: The "Board Stretcher"

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“I’ve cut it twice, and it’s still too short!”

That was a running comment in shop, back when I taught wood shop.

Often we would here, “Aaarrrgggg!”" A follow up question would reveal that the “Frustrated” had cut his/her board too short. If the “Frustrated” was an underclassman, he/she would be directed, by an upperclassmen to get the “Board Stretcher.”

This would usually result in the underclassman roaming through the shop, asking where the “Board Stretcher” was. The poor underclassman was usually “pin balled” from one shop mate to another, in search of the “Board Stretcher.”

Underclassman – “Boor! You seen the Board Stretcher?” Boor – “Nah, check with Ortega.”
Underclassman – “Ortega! You seen the Board Stretcher?” Ortega – “Nope. Check with Clay.”
Underclassman – “Clay! You seen the Board Stretcher?” Clay – “You need to get a brain! There is no board stretcher!”

Ah the fun. :-) Of course, the underclassman couldn’t wait to be an upperclassman and pull the same on some unsuspecting “frustrated.”

-- Keith "Shin" Schindler

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Ahhh the memories, we even had one poor fellow go to all the hardware stores in town looking for a fluorescent light tube stretcher because all we had was four foot bulbs and we needed an eight foot bulb for the carpenters shop. We never did but a working bulb in that fixture just to get the new guys. Over the years I think we got a dozen young guys with it I think.

-- CHRIS, Charlottetown PEI Canada. Anytime you can repurpose, reuse, or recycle, everyone wins!

Lol lol lol i know every trade has that. I knew about them jokes and i fell for it when i was an apprentice bricklayer. Hey jeff run to the job box and get the block stretcher. Lol the good old days. Thanks for your story & bringing back memories.

-- Jeff Vandenberg aka "Woodsconsin"

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